Nonlinear Network Building

When I walk into a ballroom full of dolled-up women and men in suits, the first thing that I do is take a mental snapshot of the room. Within the first few minutes, I can usually spot the handful of walking commodities that the regular partygoers are dying to get their hands on. But rather than following the social norms and flocking to the barbie dolls that consistently turn heads in the crowd, I subtly seek out the people in the room who are in the lowest demand according to the NYSD photographers – the ones standing by themselves in a corner, or those surrounded by a sea of people who can’t seem to find their way to the inner circle.

Underneath all of the makeup and seemingly proper decorum, the people who come off as the life of the party are ironically often the ones with the least interesting stories to tell. So why get in line behind the fifty other social-climbing wannabees, when you have a room full of interesting people who are eager to share their stories if you are simply willing to listen? After spending countless evenings that began to morph into a blur of extraneous living, I stopped trying to forcibly meet the people who seemed interesting on paper, and I started trying to meet seemingly ordinary individuals who had interesting stories to tell.

The majority of people live under the assumption that they should invest their time and energy in meeting the people who have the credentials and adequate social standing to put them on the fast-track to success. But what these people don’t realize is that more often than not, the most direct pathway to success is through opening yourself up to nonlinear connections. Every person that you encounter in your day-to-day life has experienced something or knows someone that you do not. From the person that you strike up a conversation with in the corner of a crowded ballroom, to the homeless man that you usually ignore on your walk to work in the morning – there is something that you can learn from everyone, if only you give them the chance to share their story.

The first step in capitalizing on the power of forming a network through nonlinear connections is to shift your mindset. You need to let go of the perception that only people with ‘high status’ are worth your attention, and rather start consciously dedicating your time and energy to crossing paths with as many different people as possible every single day.  If you build both a personal and professional network that is composed of only the people who are most like you, you will never be as cultured, experienced, or intelligent as you could be if you had built a network where you are constantly learning from the differences of those around you.

Once you have come to believe that every person in this world can help you in some way, you need to start expanding your social network. Rather than meeting people only at the times when you think that you need them to help you get ahead, the key to capitalizing on nonlinear connections is to build an expansive network before you know exactly what you want or need to advance your personal or career goals. In the midst of working long hours, it can often be challenging to force yourself to break outside of your comfort zone and meet new people who are unlike you – but it is often the conversations with those people that can help you find it within yourself to see the world in a new light. You need to challenge yourself to give other people the time that they deserve, and once the initial connection is formed, you need to genuinely take an interest in learning from the experiences that they are willing to share with you. Beyond listening to the stories of others, you need to also start becoming comfortable with sharing your own story.  Sharing your own biggest fears or most pressing life goals with a best friend who is just like you may come naturally, but learning how to open up to those who have different life experiences might initially pose to be more challenging. However, once you learn to overcome this barrier, truly deep connections will be formed.

If you build an expansive network of all different types of people before you need it, then when the time comes that you need help achieving a specific goal that you have in mind, you have the world at your fingertips. People will remember that you invested in their stories when you didn’t expect anything in return, and they will be more than happy to help you to achieve your goals if you give them the opportunity to do so.  When trying to move closer to achieving a specific goal, you need to remember the power of nonlinear connections, as it is often the person who you least expect to help you who actually has the greatest potential to do so.

Let’s say that you are in your junior year of high school, and the only thing that matters to you right now is getting into Harvard. Throughout your application process, many mentors may encourage you to connect with individuals such as professors, alumni, administrators, donors, and other individuals who are directly associated with the University to give you a leg up on your application.  These are examples of linear connections that you would likely think to form in order to help you achieve your long-term goal of getting into Harvard. However, if you have built a network before you need it, you have many more resources at your disposal than you may realize. Maybe your lifelong soccer coach has a brother who played on the soccer team at Harvard, or maybe the construction worker building the addition onto the back of your house also built a few of the buildings on the Harvard campus, or maybe your dad’s friend’s sister works in the cafeteria at the school, and mingles with the students and faculty over pancakes in the dining hall every Saturday morning. It’s a good thing that you took the time to talk to your dad’s friend with the crazy hair at that barbecue last summer, and that you made the construction worker who is building the addition on your house a sandwich on that one hot summer day – because at the time when you least expect it, your efforts to pay it forward will pay off.  Had you taken a linear approach to network building, you may have ignored all of these individuals who now hold the potential to alter the path of your life by helping you to get into the school of your dreams. But now you know better.

Whether it be getting into the college of your dreams, getting that job you always wanted, or meeting your teenage idol, there is always someone who can help you to achieve your goals.  Since it is impossible to predict the hurdles and opportunities that life will throw at you, you need to form genuine connections with as many diverse people as you can before you know exactly what you want or need. So instead of sitting with your clique of best friends at the lunch table today, or talking to the life of the party this evening, I challenge you to talk to the person who you would typically ignore.  Give them the chance to share their story - because one day, they might just change your life.