Growing up in an arguably yuppie town on the East Coast, the emphasis was always placed on the fact that more is better. Taking eight classes with organic chemistry in place of lunch was better than taking six classes and spending a free period hanging out with friends. Having two hundred friends at your sweet sixteen was better than having twenty friends over for an intimate dinner. Getting a varsity letter in three sports was far better than getting a varsity letter in one. Having ten boys fawning over you was far better than catching the eye of only one. Getting into twenty colleges just for the heck of it was far better than getting into only five, even if the five were Ivy League schools. Having one hundred dresses and twenty bags was better than having ten (I mean, outfit repeating was a serious no-no). Holding three jobs simultaneously throughout college was far better than holding a mere one job. Having 2000 friends on Facebook was far better than only being connected to your 200 ‘real’ friends.
And so it goes…
So many people have bought into the concept that more is better, but the problem with striving for breadth over depth is that there is no end game here. You will never feel the level of satisfaction that comes with mastery if you always want more, more, more.
For most of my life, this is how I was – it’s all I knew, and the more I had on my plate, the more attention that I received, and the better I felt. But as time went on and I found it within myself to think independently of the ideals that society is constantly pushing down our throats, I realized that in most cases, quantity doesn’t translate into happiness. Only through truly committing yourself to something or someone with every ounce of your being can you experience a deeper level of satisfaction.
After thinking long and hard about why I spent so many years of my life buying into the concept that more is better, I came to see that through only halfway committing myself to a sea of activities or an entire spectrum of people, this gave me a built-in security blanket in case I failed. If I wasn’t fully committing myself and jumping in with two feet, I would always know inside myself that I had more to give, which made the potential of failure seem easier to cope with, somehow.
As time went on, I knew that I had to start thinking hard about what and whom it was that I really wanted. I couldn’t keep striving for more, more, more because the ‘what’ that I was receiving was no longer making me feel satisfied. So instead of continuing to strive for breadth, I started to strive for depth in my personal relationships and in the mastery of my craft; throughout the process, I’ve stared failure in the face time and time again. Really committing myself to give everything I have to going for what, deep down, I know I want, has exposed me to levels of vulnerability that I didn’t know existed. I’ve been shut down, have felt broken and hurt and insufficient; but I’ve also witnessed momentary glimpses of bliss that I never would have felt had I kept holding back, constrained by society’s influence that leads us to believe in breadth over depth. Have I heard the word no? Over, and over, and over again. But I’ve also heard the word yes; and once you hear the word yes once, when really, wholeheartedly putting yourself on the line, or you experience one fleeting glimpse into what could come with committing every ounce of your being to really going for it, you can see that sometimes, it doesn’t take many – it only takes one.
No matter how many times you hear the word ‘no’, it only takes one mentor to really spot your potential. It one takes one best friend who will stick by your side no matter what. It only takes one job to peak your interest, or to expose you to something that sparks a new passion inside of yourself. It only takes one man to turn your world upside down, to bring out a side of yourself that you didn’t even know existed. It only takes one college admissions counselor who can see something special in your story, and who can alter the path of your life forever. It only takes one courageous decision to get on a plane, to open your eyes to people and cultures you’ve never experienced before. It only takes one good book to capture your attention for hours and to allow you to piggyback off the rises and falls of someone else’s story.
And ultimately, it only takes one conscious decision to go for it – I mean really truly go for it with every ounce of your being, to change the feeling that you have when you get up in the morning, and the rush of emotions running through your mind when you lie down to go to sleep at night.
It’s not about how many people you’ve impressed, how much money or material things you have, how many managers you’ve convinced to hire you, or how many ‘friends’ you’ve made. It’s about really committing to be vulnerable enough to care about the outcome and embrace the heat of the journey, to commit to putting yourself out there on a deeper level – to thinking hard about what you really want and not allowing fear to stand in the way of sharing those desires with the people in your world. It’s about taking the time to connect with yourself on a deeper level to make sure that you’re not just spending your days floundering away, but rather taking actionable steps towards accomplishments that you can be proud of. It’s about finding that one thing that truly sets your mind on fire, that allows you to lose yourself in a problem that may take an all-nighter and five cups of coffee to pull yourself out of. But you want it so badly that you don’t even feel the time passing.
It’s about embracing the uncertainty and vulnerability that comes with letting someone see the deepest parts of yourself, of sharing your whole heart and mind with someone, with no guarantee of getting anything in return. It’s about finding that one piece of clothing that makes you turn heads when you walk into a room – not because of the way you look but because of the way that wearing it makes you feel. It’s about finding that one mentor who truly believes how far you can go, who will never give up on you no matter what. And most of all, it’s about believing in yourself enough to know that no matter what obstacles get in your way or how many days end with eating a pint of Ben and Jerry’s in your pink footie pajamas, you’ll know that you’re going to be alright - that you’re going to be better than alright, because it doesn’t take many. It only takes one.